Find the CAT

Hint: It is on the Left hand side and it's tail is almost touching the yellow square thing.

Lie Detector Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides
to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that day.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "what movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says,"What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"

The robot slaps the dad.

Mom laughs and says,"Well he certainly is your son!"

The robot slaps the mom

God and Tom Brady

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity Tom, said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a huge 3-story mansion with Orange and Blue sidewalks and drive ways, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Broncos logo flag waving, a swimming pool in shape of a horse, a Broncos logo in every window, and a Tim Tebow jersey on the front door.

Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 3 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what's your point Tom?"

"Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "Tom, that's not Tim's house, it's mine."

The IRS sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!!

I guess it was because of my response on the line: "List all dependents"
I replied -
"12 million illegal immigrants;
"3 million crack heads;
"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
"2 million people in over 243 prisons;
"Half of Mexico ; and
"535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

Super Bowl Tickets

A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the

Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man

came

along and asked her if anyone is sitting in

the seat next to her.

"No," she said, "the

seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in

their right mind would

have a seat like

this for the Super Bowl, the biggest

sporting event in the world, and

not use it?"

Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat

actually belongs to me. I

was supposed

to come here with my husband, but he passed

away. This is the first

Super Bowl we have

not been to together since we got married in

1967."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible.

But couldn't you find

someone else - a friend

or relative or even a neighbor to take the

seat?" The woman shakes her

head, "No,

they're all at the funeral."

What is a bucket seat?

Now you know!

How the Internet changed my life