Saturday, January 24, 2009

Never Play with Knives!!!

There are some real idiots out there!

If you are going to entertain people make sure you get your trick right!!

Not a good way to see if your knife is sharp!

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Purina Dog Chow Diet

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina Dog Chow at Walmart.

They were for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus.

I was about to check out when a woman standing behind me asked if I had a dog? ..... What did she think I had an Elephant?!!

Since I had little else to do (on an impulse) I told her No, that I was starting the Purina diet again, although I probably shouldn't because last time I ended up in the hospital.

On the bright side I had lost 50 lbs. before I had awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and I.V.'s in both arms.

I told her essentially it was the perfect diet and that the way it works is you load both of your pockets with the Purina nuggets and whenever you get hungry you just eat 1 or 2 of them. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me? I told her No; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to Lick my Butt and got hit by a car!

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

I can't shop at Walmart anymore.


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