Sunday, June 12, 2011

The BAD ECONOMY hits everybody.....here's proof:The BAD ECONOMY hits everybody.....here's proof:






I got a pre-declined credit card application in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.



A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America ..

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.

Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a Call Center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Dog and the Panther



One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep DODO now!"




Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,




"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.




"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...




"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the
old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Deport her to America



Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when

two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the

unsuspecting ex-cons down... And shot off their testicles.


"The old lady spent a week hunting those men down and,

when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special

way," said Melbourne police

investigator Evan Delp.


Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the

gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:

"Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."


Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost

both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava

opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former

prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.


The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom

come, but doctors managed to save his

mangled penis, police said. "The one

guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said

he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told

reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think

they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."


The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her

granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two

knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.


"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in

the hospital, I decided I was

going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law

would go easy on them,"' recalled the retired library worker.

" And I wasn't scared of them, either - because I've got

me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life. And I

wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning

one."


So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and

Debbie's description of the sickos, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days

prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she

spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.


"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a

picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as

hell, it was them," the oldster recalled...


"So I went back to that hotel and found their room and

knocked on the door, and the minute the

big one opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs,

right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went in and

shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him.

Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."


Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to

deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, and she

broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in

prison," Det. Delp said, "especially when 3 million people in

the city want to nominate her for Mayor."


DEPORT HER TO AMERICA - WE NEED HER!

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