Thursday, September 30, 2010

What happens after several years of marriage?

40 years of marriage...

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their
40th
wedding anniversary
in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with
my darling husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the
Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very
romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry
my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is
a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became
92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should
remember fairies are female.....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Cover up

Looks more like the huge cover up to me!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Wear a condom not a mask




You didn't even know that this picture had words did you?

Your still staring at the chick in the bikini, and your thinking to yourself man that mask makes her look sexy!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Finally the truth about Gap Jeans!



Gap finally is telling the public how they really feel about their Jeans!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Naked couple sheets



Where do I get some!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Ahhh True Love!



And that pretty well sums it up!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Crocodile Guy




You know you were, I did too!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Did you think a Redhead and a Ginger were the same thing?




Now you know! ....... And knowing is half the battle!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I have not seen your Lipstick!



No. I have not seen your lipstick.

Why would you even ask me that?

Every time something goes missing around here, everybody looks at me!






That is going to be some interesting Poop, when it comes out!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Watch out for A.A.A.D.D. It's worse then ADHD



Recently, I was diagnosed with
A.A.A.D.D. -

Age Activated
Attention Deficit Disorder.


This
is how it manifests:



I decide to water my
garden.


As I turn on the hose in the driveway,


I look over at
my car and decide it needs washing.


As
I start toward the garage,

I notice mail
on the porch table that
I brought up from
the mail box earlier.


I
decide to go through the mail before I wash the
car.


I
lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail
in the garbage can under the table,
and
notice that the can is full.


So,
I decide to put the bills back
on the table and
take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to
be near the mailbox
when I take out the
garbage anyway,
I
may as well pay the bills first.


I
take my check book off the table,
and
see that there is only one check left.

My
extra checks are in my desk in the study,

so I go inside the
house to my desk where
I find the cup of
coffee
I'd been drinking.


I'm
going to look for my checks,

but first I need to
push the coffee aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it
over.


The
coffee is getting cold,

and I decide to
put it in the microwave to reheat it.


As I head toward the kitchen with the
coffee,

a vase of
flowers on the counter
catches
my eye--they need water.


I
put the coffee on the counter and
discover my reading
glasses that
I've
been searching for all morning.


I
decide I better put them back on my desk,

but first I'm
going to water the flowers.


I
set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container
with water, and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone
left it on the kitchen table.


I
realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for
the remote,
but I won't
remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put
it back in the den where it belongs,
but
first I'll
water the flowers.


I pour some water in the
flowers,

but
quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So,
I set the remote back on the table,
get
some towels and wipe up the spill.


Then,
I head down the hall trying to
remember
what I was planning to do.


At
the end of the day:

the car isn't washed,

the bills aren't
paid,

there is a
cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter,


the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1
check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't
find my glasses,

and
, I don't remember what I did with
the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done
today,
I'm really baffled
because I know I was busy all day,
and
I'm really tired.


I
realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get
some help for it,

but
first I'll check my e-mail....


Do
me a favor.

Forward this
message to everyone you know,

because I don't
remember who the
heck I've sent it
to. Also send it back to me, I don't

know if I've recived it yet.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet,
your day is coming!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Will You Donate?



A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago.


Nothing Is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.


The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold Up?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.


They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."


The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"


"About a gallon," answered the man.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Mexican Oysters



Mexican Oysters

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant

following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a

sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being

served at the next table. Not only did it

look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that

you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you

have excellent taste! Those are called

Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from

the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck,

bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry

senor. There is only one serving per

day because there is only one bull

fight each morning. If you come early

and place your order, we will be sure

to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned,

placed his order, and that evening

was served the one and only special

delicacy of the day. After a few bites,

inspecting his platter, he called to the

waiter and said, 'These are delicious but

they are much, much smaller than the

ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders

and replied, 'Si, Senor.



Sometimes the bull wins.

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