Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Two Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of Oceanside , ..
One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing.
The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near this, it's home base location.
Back at the California Highway Patrol Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Marine Corps. Base Commander for shutting down his equipment.
'Thank you for your letter.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.
Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Friday, February 26, 2010
it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner:
When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California
would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only
inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again.. This time it worked.
now, the honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting
negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's
claim was approved.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting
to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that
he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to
a moving train before he was hit.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...
$15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately,
and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of
the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man
curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf,
Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed
her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass,
you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
walk into a pub in Toronto and park
themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the
bartender, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip.
I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please.'
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make
polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on
holiday yet, lads?''Off to England next month,' says John.
'We go to England every year, hire a car. and drive for
miles, don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees.
'Ah, England !' says the bartender. 'Wonderful Country ...
the history, the beer, the culture....'
'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John.
'Hamburgers & Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim? And we
can't stand the English; they're so arrogant and rude,
not civil and polite like us Canadians.'
'So why keep going to England ?' asks the bartender.
'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive...