Tuesday, March 30, 2010

John Deere Trike





This is what ya get when you mix your Deere with a whole lot of beer


and a whole lot of of time. It does make Momma happy.....!!!


They probably live in South Carolina.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Redneck Fire Alarm

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Grandpa



A 6-year-old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room... "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog – because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disneyland !”

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Arab Family Photos



What exactly is the point of this picture anyway?

Do you think they get together later and look at the pictures saying "Do you think my eyes look fat in this?"



He Said....She Said



He Said To Me...


He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?




He said to me ... . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but
fart



He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .
Turn sideways and look in the mirror!




He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time.







He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.







He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.





He said....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.





He said to me.... Why are
married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.


Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A Blonde Joke


BLIND COWBOY


An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, considering that you are blind,
that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl..

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

High School Reunion Entertainment


Isn't it funny in every graduating class there is someone willing to get up and make a fool of themselves for a few laughs!!!



I started to wonder if this lady robbed a juke box with all the records she was pulling out!!!!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Black Bra



The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:

The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said...

"What' s for dinner, Batman?"



Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Just Finished God of War 3



This Game is visually Amazing!!


One of the only games that is so addicting that you have to keep going to see what happens next.

Hello Dummy!



Can you see the elusive Mary Jane Cronic in this video?

See if you can find the Joint before the Cop shows you.




What a Dummy!!

Monday, March 22, 2010

When Scanning your Butt on the Copy Machine goes wrong


Copies $.10 each

Deciding it would be funny to copy your butt - FREE

Pulling shards of broken glass out of your butt after breaking the copier - Priceless!




Try explaining this one to your boss!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Jogging


This would be fun to do, I love it when the bikers go in!

I give the first biker a 10 for his face plant!!!



Friday, March 19, 2010

Tiger Woods Ads










Thursday, March 18, 2010

How cold was it in Florida ?


How cold was it in Busch Gardens , FL , during the recent cold snap?

In this instance, a picture is worth a 1,000 words!



Blue Balls

DAMN COLD!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Thing about Hell



For years, commentators have been saying that the New Orleans Saints were so bad at playing football that hell would freeze over before they would ever win the Super Bowl.

On Sunday,
February 7, 2010 The Saints won the Super Bowl.

On that same Sunday, Washington D.C. was paralyzed under several feet of snow and the Federal Government was shut down.
Well, at least we know where hell is.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Yeah! God of War 3 is out!!!!!



This Game Rules!

Nascar News Jeff Gordon fires entire pit crew.



This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President
Obama's scheme to employ
Harlem youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem
were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most races are won or lost in the pits.However, Gordon got more than he bargained
for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds,but within 12 seconds they had changed the
paint scheme, altered the VIN, and sold the car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases of
Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

Monday, March 15, 2010

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!!



Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a
well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.


'
Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered
vacuum cleaners.'


'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and
proceeded to close the door.


Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed
wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least
seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of
horse
manure
onto my hallway carpet.


'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
horse manure
from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'


I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a REALLY good
appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part
of broke' do you not understand?'

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Early Fitness Centers


Ever wondered why people in the 50's and 60's were always skinny?

There were very few Fat people and everyone ate Bacon, Eggs, and Toast for Breakfast!

And even more odd was that there were NO Fitness Centers.... No Golds Gym, No Bally Fitness, No LA Fitness, No 24 hour Fitness, Nothing!

So why was everyone skinny?

Here is the answer......




You do this every week and there is no need for P90X baby!!!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Widdle Wabbit






A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks,
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me,
mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that
he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,
or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle
bwown wabbit over there?"


She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her
hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Correct way to Weigh yourself!

We've been doing it wrong all these years!



Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Property Taxes Explained


Your House As Seen By:



Yourself...




Your Buyer...



Your Lender...



Your Appraiser...



And...
Your County's Tax Assessor...



Saturday, March 6, 2010

Mouse


Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller: Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse,

Caller: Mmmmm.... oh really?... I'll send a picture.







I know a mouse when I see one!!!!!!

Asked to Lie at the Doctors Office?!!!!

Ear Infection

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter...


Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose


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