Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I was eating lunch last week with my 8-year-old grandson when his mom asked him "What was the holiday you got off school for last week?" He said "It was President's Day"
She asked, "What does that mean?”.... I was waiting for something profound...
He said, "President's Day is when Obama stepped out of the and when he saw his shadow, we were going to have 2 more years of unemployment."
I almost snorted my coffee.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you Doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an Opportunity, he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have Ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.
Why Are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
Friday, March 4, 2011
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a
really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up
your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the
rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now takeoff my bra.." Again, with trembling
hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again,
Thursday, March 3, 2011
mothers of small children.
'You all have obsessions, he observed.'
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann, 'Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, 'Your obsession is alcohol. This
too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth Mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her
little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea
what he's talking about. Lets pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get