Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said"....."You really need to listen when someone is trying to tell you something!"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? . I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
> 2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
> 3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.
> 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
> continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
> 5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
> 6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
> 7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
> 8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes.
> He was albino.
> 9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
> 10. Warren Beatty and are brother and sister.
> 11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will
> kill a small sized dog.
> 12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's
> stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
> 13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
> 14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
> 15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
> 16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in
> the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters,
> the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case
> that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
> 17. Leonardo DaVinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at
> the same time hence, multitasking was invented.
> 18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II
> were made of wood.
> 19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
> 20. The name Wendy was made up for the book ; there was never a
> recorded Wendy before!
> 21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple,
> and silver!
> 22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint
> Mona Lisa's lips.
> 23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and
> sting itself to death.
> 24. The mask used by in the original 'Halloween' was a
> Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
> 25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.
> You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to
> make change for a dollar. (good to know)
> 26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
> quicksand. (and you thought this list was completely useless)
> 27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which
> stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
> 28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for
> automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the
> Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
> 29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of
> celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
> 30. while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
> 31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
> 32. holds the record for being the book most often
> stolen from Public Libraries.
> 33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because
> passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.
> 34. said it best about . 'Boy, I feel a lot safer
> now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and are still walking
> around; too, but they take the ONE WOMAN in America willing
> to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail'.
> NOW I BET YOU SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY BOUNCING RAISINS IN THE BOTTOM OF
> YOUR CHAMPAGNE AND TRYING TO RHYME WORDS WITH ORANGE, PURPLE AND SILVER.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
One sunny day in January, 2013 an old man approached the from across , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."