Saturday, May 30, 2009

36 hour Cialis Pill

They tried to warn you, NEVER Exceed the recommended dose!!!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Going Stinkies!!!


By
> Shannon Popkin
>
>
> My little
> guy, Cade, is quite a
> talker. He loves to
> communicate and does it
> quite well. He talks to
> people constantly, whether
> we are in the
> library, the grocery store
> or at a drive-thru
> window. People often
> comment on how
> clearly he speaks for a
> just-turned-3-year-old.
> And you never have to ask
> him to turn up the
> volume. It's always
> fully cranked. There
> have been several
> embarrassing times that I've
> wished the meaning of his
> words would have been
> masked by a
> not-so-audible voice, but never
> have I wished this more
> than last week at
> Costco.
>
> Halfway,
> through our shopping trip,
> nature called, so I
> took Cade with me into the
> restroom. If you'd
> been one of the ladies in
> the restroom that
> evening, this is what you
> would have heard
> coming from the second to
> the last stall:
>
>
>
> ''Mommy,
> are you gonna go potty?
>
> Oh! Why
> are you putting toiwet
> paper on the potty,
> Mommy?
>
> Oh! You
> gonna sit down on da toiwet
> paper now?
>
> Mommy,
> what are you doing?
>
> Mommy, are
>
> you gonna go stinkies on
> the potty?''
>
>
>
> At this
> point I started
> mentally counting how many
> women had been in the
> bathroom when I
> walked in. Several
> stalls were full ... 4?
> 5? Maybe we could
> wait until they all left
> before I had to make my
> debut out of this stall
> and reveal my identity.
>
>
> Cade
> continued:
> ''Mommy, you ARE going
> stinkies aren't you?
>
> Oh, dats a
>
> good girl, Mommy!
>
> Are you
> gonna get some candy for
> going stinkies on the
> potty?
>
> Let me see
>
> doze stinkies, Mommy!
> Oh ... Mommy!
>
>
> I'm
> trying
> to see In dere.
>
> Oh! I see
> dem.
>
> Dat is a
> very good girl, Mommy.
> You are gonna get some
> candy!''
>
>
> I heard a
> few faint chuckles coming
> from the stalls on
> either side of me.
> Where is a screaming new
> born when you need her?
> Good grief. This was
> really getting
> embarrassing. I was definitely
> waiting a long time before
> exiting. Trying
> to divert him, I said,
> ''Why don't you look in
> Mommy's purse and see
> if you can find some
> candy. We'll both
> have some!''
>
>
>
> ''No, I'm
> trying to see doze
> stinkies"
> "Oh!
> Mommy!'' He
> started to gag at this point.
>
> ''Uh - oh,
> Mommy. I fink I'm gonna
> frow up.
>
>
> Mommy,
> doze stinkies are making me
> frow up!!
>
> Dat is so
> gross!!''
>
>
> As the
> gags became louder, so did
> the chuckles outside
> my stall.. I quickly
> flushed the toilet in hopes
> of changing the subject. I
> began to reason
> with
> myself: OK. There are four other
> toilets. If I count four
> flushes, I can be
> reasonably assured that
> those who overheard this
> embarrassing monologue will
> be long gone.
>
>
> ''Mommy!
> Would you get off the
> potty, now? I
> want you to be done going
> stinkies! Get
> up! Get up!''
>
> He grunted as he tried
> to pull me off Now I
> could hear full-blown
> laughter. I bent down to
> count the feet outside
> my door.
>
>
> ''Oh, are
> you wooking under dere,
> Mommy?
> You wooking
> under da door? What
> were you wooking at?
> Mommy?
> You wooking at the wady's feet?''
>
>
> More
> laughter. I stood inside
> the locked door and
> tried to assess the
> situation.
>
>
>
> ''Mommy,
> it's time to wash our
> hands, now. We have to go
> out now, Mommy.''
>
>
>
> He started
>
> pounding on the door.
> ''Mommy, don't you
> want to wash your hands? I
> want to go out!!''
>
>
> I saw that
>
> my wait 'em out'
> plan was unraveling. I
> sheepishly opened the door,
> and found standing
> outside my stall, twenty to
> thirty ladies
> crowded around the stall,
> all smiling and
> starting to applaud.
> My first thought was
> complete embarrassment,
> then I thought, where's
> the fine print on the
> 'motherhood
> contract' where I
> signed away every bit of
> my dignity and privacy?
> But as my little
> boy gave me a big, cheeky
> grin while he rubbed
> bubbly soap between his
> chubby little hands, I
> thought, I'd sign
> it all away again, just
> to be known as Mommy
> to this little
> fellow.
>
> ( Shannon
> Popkin is a freelance
> writer and mother of three
> She lives with her family
> in Grand Rapids
> , Michigan , where she no
> longer uses public
> restrooms)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Gotta Love Frank!!


Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed
monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking
her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her
extra curricular activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence.



She made a mistake, however, when she
accused Frank, a new member, of being an
alcoholic after she saw his old pickup
parked in front of the town's
only bar one after noon.




She emphatically told Frank
(and several others)
that every one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !



Frank, a man of few words,
stared at her for a moment and
just turned and walked away
He didn't explain, defend, or deny
He said nothing.






Later that evening,
Frank quietly parked his pickup
in front of Mildred's house ...
walked home ...
and left it there all night.


You gotta love Frank!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ouch!!

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!



Nothing like getting all excited just to take one in the junk!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Breath Right???

With these they are always Silent and always Deadly!!





The Sad thing is can't you just see an infomercial for these coming soon???!!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Good Dog!



Now that is one GOOD DOG!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Where do Red Headed Babies Come From?

Cheating

WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?????




After their baby was born, the

panicked father went to see the

Obstetrician.

'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't


mind telling you, but I'm a little


upset because my daughter has


red hair. She can't possibly be


mine!!


'Nonsense,' the doctor said, 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex??? '

The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.

'It's rust.'

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Plaxico Burress on Gun Safety


Some Excellent gun safety tips from Plaxico....Pay attention now.






Maybe this was part of his community service hours sentence.

I hope you have learned that you should never mess with a possessed gun!!!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Octuplate Mom's Secret Delivery Video

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a fly on the wall when Nadya Suleman gave birth to her Octuplates?!!

Well here's your chance, I have the secret video shot while she was giving birth to her 8 babies, take a look!







Kind of reminds me of those Air blasters at the football games that shoot the T-Shirts way up into the stands!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

How to get a job in these hard economic times

There are many techniques and tricks to getting a job in these hard economic times.......I think that these guys have figured out the secret.






Could you imagine your boss if someone had done this to them!

That would be SWEET!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Cell Phone Karma


Careful where you answer your cell phone.......Karma's coming to get you!







I can think of a few people that I would like to see this happen to, how about you?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Skinny Dipping

Skinny Dipping...

An elderly man in West Virginia had owned a large farm for several Years. He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so He fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a Five-gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with Glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women Skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Fore!!!!

There are curtain rules one must follow when golfing....... I'm not really sure what they are but commenting on the Beer Cart Girl in front of her DAD, has to be up there on the list!!!!





If you have to comment, at least don't do it out loud!!!!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Mexican Fireworks!

Where the Crap is the Fire Marshal??!!!






Somewhere on the other side of the yard some unsuspecting bystander is watching someone hitting their sledgehammer on the ground when WHAM!

They get the guy in this video's sledgehammer right upside their head!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Respect the copy machine!

Keep this video in mind next time you want to copy your face on the copier!




I am pretty sure that the Copy machine has to be one of the dirtiest surfaces on the planet.

So you take your chances if you want to be funny when making copies!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Careful what you wish for!

The old bag doesn't seem too bad anymore!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Ouch! My Spline!

Dude, if my buddy did this to me I would sooo kick his butt..... Once I was out of the Hospital!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

MMM.... That Tastes Good!

Nothing like the minty taste of hundreds of stamps!

I wonder if he knows about all the rumors about cockroaches getting stirred into the mix of glue they use.....Oh well I'm sure all he can think about is that beer!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Shotgun Golf

I wanna Play!!!!!






If only I could get away with this.....It would be a blast!!!! (Pun intended)

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Man Rules

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(
i must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
" the Rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
=0 ALet it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem
only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did
NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it
will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as golf,
sex, or sex.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

If your wife saw it you may have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But she doesn’t know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Taxes

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100..00.


When the postal authorities received the letter to
God , USA they decided to send it to the President.



The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.


The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money
to a little boy.


The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:


Dear God:


Thank you very much for sending the money.

However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Lion hunt


Can somebody PLEASE find me a new par of UNDERWARE!

I seemed to have Crapped my pants!


I think if I were this guy, no other animals would attack because the smell from my messy shorts would drive them away!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Mexico has a poor safety record

There is a reason for Mexico's poor safety record and you will see why in the second part of this video.

You have to admit the guy has some killer moves!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Gotcha!!!!



Now you know what the most sought after WEENIER in the world looks like.


Man, how come nothing like this ever happened to me in College?!!!!!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Never leave your kids alone in the bathroom



I Left my Kids alone in the bathroom ONCE and will never make that mistake again!

My shaver was in the toilet, the shower was full of toilet paper, and the bathtub was running over the edge.... So NEVER EVER LEAVE THEM ALONE IN THE BATHROOM!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Swine Flu Starting Point Discovered


The Swine Flu epacenter was discovered today and the first carrier was identified....have a look.

Pig
The CDC is interogating his parents now!

Hostile Computer




Always treat your computers with respect and if that doesn't work ..... Kick em in the transistors!

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