Going Stinkies!!!

By
> Shannon Popkin
>
>
> My little
> guy, Cade, is quite a
> talker. He loves to
> communicate and does it
> quite well. He talks to
> people constantly, whether
> we are in the
> library, the grocery store
> or at a drive-thru
> window. People often
> comment on how
> clearly he speaks for a
> just-turned-3-year-old.
> And you never have to ask
> him to turn up the
> volume. It's always
> fully cranked. There
> have been several
> embarrassing times that I've
> wished the meaning of his
> words would have been
> masked by a
> not-so-audible voice, but never
> have I wished this more
> than last week at
> Costco.
>
> Halfway,
> through our shopping trip,
> nature called, so I
> took Cade with me into the
> restroom. If you'd
> been one of the ladies in
> the restroom that
> evening, this is what you
> would have heard
> coming from the second to
> the last stall:
>
>
>
> ''Mommy,
> are you gonna go potty?
>
> Oh! Why
> are you putting toiwet
> paper on the potty,
> Mommy?
>
> Oh! You
> gonna sit down on da toiwet
> paper now?
>
> Mommy,
> what are you doing?
>
> Mommy, are
>
> you gonna go stinkies on
> the potty?''
>
>
>
> At this
> point I started
> mentally counting how many
> women had been in the
> bathroom when I
> walked in. Several
> stalls were full ... 4?
> 5? Maybe we could
> wait until they all left
> before I had to make my
> debut out of this stall
> and reveal my identity.
>
>
> Cade
> continued:
> ''Mommy, you ARE going
> stinkies aren't you?
>
> Oh, dats a
>
> good girl, Mommy!
>
> Are you
> gonna get some candy for
> going stinkies on the
> potty?
>
> Let me see
>
> doze stinkies, Mommy!
> Oh ... Mommy!
>
>
> I'm
> trying
> to see In dere.
>
> Oh! I see
> dem.
>
> Dat is a
> very good girl, Mommy.
> You are gonna get some
> candy!''
>
>
> I heard a
> few faint chuckles coming
> from the stalls on
> either side of me.
> Where is a screaming new
> born when you need her?
> Good grief. This was
> really getting
> embarrassing. I was definitely
> waiting a long time before
> exiting. Trying
> to divert him, I said,
> ''Why don't you look in
> Mommy's purse and see
> if you can find some
> candy. We'll both
> have some!''
>
>
>
> ''No, I'm
> trying to see doze
> stinkies"
> "Oh!
> Mommy!'' He
> started to gag at this point.
>
> ''Uh - oh,
> Mommy. I fink I'm gonna
> frow up.
>
>
> Mommy,
> doze stinkies are making me
> frow up!!
>
> Dat is so
> gross!!''
>
>
> As the
> gags became louder, so did
> the chuckles outside
> my stall.. I quickly
> flushed the toilet in hopes
> of changing the subject. I
> began to reason
> with
> myself: OK. There are four other
> toilets. If I count four
> flushes, I can be
> reasonably assured that
> those who overheard this
> embarrassing monologue will
> be long gone.
>
>
> ''Mommy!
> Would you get off the
> potty, now? I
> want you to be done going
> stinkies! Get
> up! Get up!''
>
> He grunted as he tried
> to pull me off Now I
> could hear full-blown
> laughter. I bent down to
> count the feet outside
> my door.
>
>
> ''Oh, are
> you wooking under dere,
> Mommy?
> You wooking
> under da door? What
> were you wooking at?
> Mommy?
> You wooking at the wady's feet?''
>
>
> More
> laughter. I stood inside
> the locked door and
> tried to assess the
> situation.
>
>
>
> ''Mommy,
> it's time to wash our
> hands, now. We have to go
> out now, Mommy.''
>
>
>
> He started
>
> pounding on the door.
> ''Mommy, don't you
> want to wash your hands? I
> want to go out!!''
>
>
> I saw that
>
> my wait 'em out'
> plan was unraveling. I
> sheepishly opened the door,
> and found standing
> outside my stall, twenty to
> thirty ladies
> crowded around the stall,
> all smiling and
> starting to applaud.
> My first thought was
> complete embarrassment,
> then I thought, where's
> the fine print on the
> 'motherhood
> contract' where I
> signed away every bit of
> my dignity and privacy?
> But as my little
> boy gave me a big, cheeky
> grin while he rubbed
> bubbly soap between his
> chubby little hands, I
> thought, I'd sign
> it all away again, just
> to be known as Mommy
> to this little
> fellow.
>
> ( Shannon
> Popkin is a freelance
> writer and mother of three
> She lives with her family
> in Grand Rapids
> , Michigan , where she no
> longer uses public
> restrooms)