Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
Sunday, October 19, 2008
There is a very good reason why they no longer have Candid Camera in Russia, as you will see from the following video...
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
This is awesome!
This is the Top Bike ad in the world, it has helped to sell millions of bikes world wide.
Sorry this version is kind of hard to hear so you may want to turn it up a little to hear the words.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Think twice before joining the band or the cheerleading squad.....
I'm glad I just watched the games!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.' Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker.. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
YOU KNOW WHO
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went
into the local coffee shop for a snack. I was only there for
about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was this cop writing
out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about
giving a retired person a break?' He ignored me and continued
writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I called him
a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for
having worn tires. So I proceeded to call him 'doughnut eating
Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the
windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket when I
called him a moron in blue. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus.
The car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those
bumper stickers that said, 'Obama in '08'. I try to have a little
fun each day now that I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's
important to my health.