Taylor Swift - Parody - You Belong With Me ("Just A Zombie")

Taylor Swift would be so proud!!!

When Obama Died

When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive?"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.

As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said"....."You really need to listen when someone is trying to tell you something!"

"The Snooki Song" (Parody of Tik Tok by Ke$ha)

I don't really know what's up with the pickle, but oh well!

GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? . I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

The Dance

Even Garbage men have to have a little fun!





Did you notice the pile of people in front of the sign?

Talking Deer?

This would be hilarious to do to some people!




About October would be perfect, when the boys all come out in orange hunting garb!

Immigration Destroyed the White House?

34 Things you never knew - And probably never needed to know

These are just fun to know.....

> 1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

> 2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

> 3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.

> 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
> continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

> 5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

> 6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

> 7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

> 8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes.
> He was albino.

> 9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

> 10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

> 11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will
> kill a small sized dog.

> 12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's
> stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

> 13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

> 14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
> pants.

> 15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

> 16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in
> the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters,
> the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case
> that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

> 17. Leonardo DaVinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at
> the same time hence, multitasking was invented.

> 18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II
> were made of wood.

> 19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

> 20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a
> recorded Wendy before!

> 21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple,
> and silver!

> 22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint
> Mona Lisa's lips.

> 23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and
> sting itself to death.

> 24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a
> Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

> 25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.
> You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to
> make change for a dollar. (good to know)

> 26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
> quicksand. (and you thought this list was completely useless)

> 27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which
> stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

> 28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for
> automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the
> Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

> 29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of
> celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

> 30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

> 31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

> 32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often
> stolen from Public Libraries.

> 33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because
> passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.

> 34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer
> now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking
> around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE WOMAN in America willing
> to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail'.
>
> NOW I BET YOU SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY BOUNCING RAISINS IN THE BOTTOM OF
> YOUR CHAMPAGNE AND TRYING TO RHYME WORDS WITH ORANGE, PURPLE AND SILVER.

January 2013

One sunny day in January, 2013 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."



The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."




The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.




The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."




The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."



The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.




The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."




The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"




The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."




The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

Handy Outdoor Beer Holder

Red Green had a really good idea, but now all the hardware stores are out of plungers!

Never Tick Off A Nurse!

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing..... After about 20 minutes, the man's Doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confessed..... "Not with a Daffodil."

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Miley Cyrus - When I Look At You - Parody ("You'll Look Like Poo")

This one Cracks me up and I actually like this song better then the original from Miley!

Lady Gaga - Poker Face - Parody ("Outer Space")

I'm not sure why my 3 year old loves this song but I think we have watched it 70 times!

Mexican Profiling in Arizona

Self Smart

You can learn a lot in prison, you can even Self Smart yourself!

He better lay off the weed!

Toyota Test Drive

I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct... The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round. I had to walk back to the dealership........the guy had no sense of humor.

Super Strong Mouse

Talk about Might Mouse, I don't want to run into this one in a dark alley!

They must put some good stuff in that cheese!