Men really are the Smarter Sex!

This video proves that men not women are the smarter of the two sexes!!

Sorry Guys, you know you laughed when that dude punching the bag took one in the tackle box!

Donald and Daisy

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

Best Deer Camp Ever!

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."


So, Here I am.

Death bed Confession

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining 

a candlelight vigil 
by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running 

down her face. Her praying roused him from his 

slumber; He looked up and his pale lips began to move 

slightly.

'Becky my darling' he whispered.

'Hush my love,' she said. 'Rest, don't talk.'

He was insistent 'Becky,' he said in his tired voice, 

'I have something that I must confess.'

'There's nothing to confess,' replied the weeping 

Becky, 'Everything's all right, go to sleep.'

'No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I .... I slept with 

your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and 

your mother!'

'I know, sweetheart;' whispered Becky, 

'let the poison work.'

Fox Hat

If you don't get this, try listening with your eyes closed.

Really anywhere you live someone somewhere may say to you "Where the Fox Hat!!"

Life is Tough, When your Stupid!!

How do these people survive and breed?



ONE


Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve, was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

(Unbelievable but sadly true....)



TWO


I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things onthe belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register, and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the barcode so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.




THREE


A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(keep shuddering!!)




FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'


PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!



SIX


A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Walking Eagle

President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .

He spoke for an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers."

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle." The proud President then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they selected the new name they had given to the President.

They said "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.