The Dog and the Panther

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep DODO now!"




Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,




"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.




"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...




"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Deport her to America

Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when

two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the

unsuspecting ex-cons down... And shot off their testicles.

"The old lady spent a week hunting those men down and,

when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special

way," said Melbourne police

investigator Evan Delp.

Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the

gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:

"Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost

both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava

opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former

prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom

come, but doctors managed to save his

mangled penis, police said. "The one

guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said

he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told

reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think

they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her

granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two

knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in

the hospital, I decided I was

going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law

would go easy on them,"' recalled the retired library worker.

" And I wasn't scared of them, either - because I've got

me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life. And I

wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning

one."

So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and

Debbie's description of the sickos, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days

prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she

spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a

picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as

hell, it was them," the oldster recalled...

"So I went back to that hotel and found their room and

knocked on the door, and the minute the

big one opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs,

right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went in and

shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him.

Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to

deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, and she

broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in

prison," Det. Delp said, "especially when 3 million people in

the city want to nominate her for Mayor."

DEPORT HER TO AMERICA - WE NEED HER!

I like it in the Rear?

Who wouldn't like it in the rear?

I was talking about the charging pin hole you sicko!

Giraffe licking the wall at the zoo

Nasty!

Pistol Shooting Tips from a 5 year old

I think he needs to bend his knee's a little more and he'll have it!

He's a pistol shooting champ in the making!

Don't Trust Post Office Workers!

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn
to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars..

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman..

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

New Halloween Costume for this year

The Charlie Sheen Costume