Stop yelling across the house!!!!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Leroy's Hearing
Leroy goes to the San Leon Primitive Baptist Church revival and listens to the preacher.
After a while the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I needs you to pray for my hearing"
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays. He prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't till next Wednesday."
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tribute to Idiots #2!!
In my continuing saga of paying homage to all of the many idiots out there here is video #2.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
River Dance Champs!
I wonder if the REAL Flatly started out on Britain's Got Talent??!!!!
Either way Simon loved it!!!
Monday, June 22, 2009
This give new meaning to silicone mouse pads!!
Carpal tunnel syndrome has become a scourge among today's active and computer literate population. Men, especially, are becoming afflicted with this serious health problem.
To help stamp out carpal tunnel syndrome, new mouse pads have been devised to assist men in their computer operations.
To help stamp out carpal tunnel syndrome, new mouse pads have been devised to assist men in their computer operations.
Ergonomically-correct mouse pads such as these will enable men to avoid the pain and suffering associated with this serious health concern.
No, I don't have the ordering information........ yet.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Honey, I didn't expect you home so soon.
Hey honey, I was just um, well I was huh, awe never mind.
I find that my beer always taste better when I lick it out of the pages of a girly magazine, don't you?!!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Romantic Swim
Nothing like a romantic skinny dip to heat up the night!
And there is nothing like getting your picture taken by 40 horny guys unbeknownst to you!!!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Priceless!!
Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen.
Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter: $0.00 dollars
Having Michelle Obama Serve you your soup: $0.00 dollars
Snapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 Black Berry cell phone: Priceless
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
THE DOT...... FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married,
she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband
scratches off the dot to see
whether he has won a convenience store,
a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab
or a motel in the United States .
If nothing is there, he must remain in India
to answer telephones and provide technical advice
to callers from the United States .
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Man's Favorite Tool
Hey Baby, want to get a little frisky!! Awe, sorry 24's coming on next!
It's like I tell my wife, I don't care if I am dead asleep if you are in the mood I will splash cold water in my face, stick my head in the freezer, or something to wake up. Never let those moments pass, because they don't happen that often!
This guy is nuts to pass it up!
It's like I tell my wife, I don't care if I am dead asleep if you are in the mood I will splash cold water in my face, stick my head in the freezer, or something to wake up. Never let those moments pass, because they don't happen that often!
This guy is nuts to pass it up!
Monday, June 15, 2009
NFL Fantasy Football Commercials
I don't know if this is film trickery or real but it is Freaking cool!!
Awesome Skills Man!!!
Awesome Skills Man!!!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Need more then a GPS to find your way out of this!
So the one fly is talking to the other fly and was like yeah I got lost near the lower intestine but then my trusty GPS took me back in the right direction!
Never give up and you will find a way!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Montana Pole Dancing
Montana Pole Dancing! Avert your eyes, very graphic!!! J/K
Nothing better then a good scratch no matter where it is!!!
Nothing better then a good scratch no matter where it is!!!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Never Turn Your Back on Stuffed Animals!!
Terrible things can happen when you leave your stuffed animals alone in the back window.
Now you can say you've seen it all!
Now you can say you've seen it all!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Blonde Ladies!!
Never let a blonde install a pet door!!!
Hope this Cat didn't already spend all of his nine lives!
But having a blonde owner, I'm sure that he burned a few already!!!!
Hope this Cat didn't already spend all of his nine lives!
But having a blonde owner, I'm sure that he burned a few already!!!!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Cat did it!
Do they make Cement shoes that come in sets of 4??!!!
This Dog would be so dead if he did this to me!!!
I have to admit though, he did a really good job of framing the cat!!!!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Chubby Sings It!
I don't know what else I can say except there is just something about a Fat Guy in a leotard Singing a Beyonce Tune that just makes me laugh!!!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Shopping in Texas
Have you ever wondered why the crime rate is so low in Texas?
This Secret Video reveals why.
They must just give guns away there, everyone has one!
This Secret Video reveals why.
They must just give guns away there, everyone has one!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
John Madden Popcorn Maker
The Funny thing is I can see old John Madden acting like this trying to figure it out!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Darwin Awards 2008
2008 Darwin Awards
It's that time of year and we've been waiting for them. So, without
further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin Awards
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head-first through an 18" wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran', accidentally jogged off a 100 foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels trying to get him out, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to extricate him. Jones was pronounced
dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said
he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
man walked into H&J Leather and Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located
47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23
gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 am,
so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they
knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of
traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. The secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied
the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant
22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top
of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
proves...."Shit happens".
THEY WALK AMONG US....
It always seems important to thank these people for removing themselves from
the gene pool.
It's that time of year and we've been waiting for them. So, without
further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin Awards
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head-first through an 18" wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran', accidentally jogged off a 100 foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels trying to get him out, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to extricate him. Jones was pronounced
dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said
he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
man walked into H&J Leather and Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located
47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23
gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 am,
so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they
knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of
traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. The secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied
the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant
22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top
of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
proves...."Shit happens".
THEY WALK AMONG US....
It always seems important to thank these people for removing themselves from
the gene pool.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Tattoo removal cream
Have you ever looked at that tattoo you got in that heat of the moment, rash decision, or on spring break in Mexico and thought to yourself "What did I do?"
Here is a revolutionary cream that will remove that unwanted Tattoo!
Just read all the disclaimers before applying.
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