Darwin Awards 2008

2008 Darwin Awards



It's that time of year and we've been waiting for them. So, without
further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin Awards


Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head-first through an 18" wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
keys.



Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran', accidentally jogged off a 100 foot high cliff on his daily run.





Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels trying to get him out, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to extricate him. Jones was pronounced
dead at a hospital.



Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.





Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said
he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.





Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
man walked into H&J Leather and Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located
47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23
gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.




HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 am,
so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.



RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they
knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of
traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. The secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied
the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never
located.



AND THE WINNER IS....


Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant
22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top
of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
proves...."Shit happens".





THEY WALK AMONG US....



It always seems important to thank these people for removing themselves from
the gene pool.