Thursday, July 31, 2008
Ultimate Prank to Play on your Spouse!!
I've played my share of pranks on my wife but I think if I ever did something like this guy I would be out on the street.
But it is Hilarious!!!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I am Behind our Troops 100% - This Story is Great!
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments.
He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .
One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?'
The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an idiot.
So, He sent me.
He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .
One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?'
The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an idiot.
So, He sent me.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
I want to make it known that I am part of the small population that liked the first Hellboy and I own it on DVD. I think that it gained popularity once it was released on DVD as it didn't do all that great in the theatres on its initial release. I think that it made a total of 26 million and this second movie made that in the first day.
With all that being said I wasn't disappointed at all with the second installment of the Hellboy series. The one negative thing that I will say is that I wasn't sure sometimes if I had entered Pan's Laberinth or if I was still watching Hellboy. This movie goes way out there in terms of creatures and the fantasy side of this comic book hero.
The Skinny:
Basically the story is that Long ago the humans and the elfish creatures waged war on each other and as they battled the tide was turning in the favor of the humans so the elfish King had a Golden Army built. This Army wiped out anyone who opposed the elfish King as he controlled them with the crown that he wore. As he saw the destruction they raged he realized that no one person should control this power so he stuck a treaty with the Humans and split the crown into 3 pieces. This enraged the Kings son and he went into hiding until the opportuity presented itself to reclaim the crown for himself.
After many years the prince comes back and starts collecting the pieces of the crown so that he can take over the world.
Hellboy is sent to stop him.
If you liked the first Hellboy movie you'll like this one too. It is full of really cool special effects and action scenes so if you like those kinds of movies you should get a real kick out of this one.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Can you Blaim Him???
This is the best McDonald's ad ever!
Probably not the kind of message that they want to send to their customers but Still this is Hilarious!!!
Probably not the kind of message that they want to send to their customers but Still this is Hilarious!!!
I think that sometimes my wife might want to reverse the rolls and take me to this lake with a Big Mac! I guess I'll be wise to her plan if she ever starts packing up the fishing gear and suggesting that we grab some McDonald's on the way!!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Something ALL guys can relate to.
Guys just have a weakness for the opposite sex, thats all there is to it!
I'm sure that every guy out there can relate to this video.
At some point every guy gets caught looking!
The difference is whether you can talk your way out of trouble or not, which rarely happens.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
What is the Sex of a Computer???!!!
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.
''Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The boys decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The girls however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
You decide the winner.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.
''Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The boys decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The girls however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
You decide the winner.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Kids, what little balls of sunshine!!
I love my Kids but if any of them ever did this....Look out!
I've heard of Kids being the perfect birth control and this video backs that up!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Just Confirmed......All Women Are EVIL!!!!!
I had my suspicions for years that Women everywhere, no matter what language they spoke were EVIL.
But it wasn't until I watched this video that the truth was revealed
If my Wife is reading and watching this I meant every woman but her!!!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
New Airline Pricing
I shouldn't say this out loud but pretty soon they'll be charging to use the bathroom on the plane!!!
I could see the Airlines putting a card swiper next to the door on the latrine......can't you?!!
Watch the video Below and you'll see what I mean.
I could see the Airlines putting a card swiper next to the door on the latrine......can't you?!!
Watch the video Below and you'll see what I mean.
Keep this in mind the next time you fly.....It could be a lot worse......A lot worse!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
How to Reduce your Hotel Bill
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this...
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston . After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, so they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.
When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is so surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston . After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, so they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.
When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is so surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Batman: Gotham Knight - DVD Review
With all the hype of the new Batman Movie (The Dark Knight) coming out I was really excited to watch this DVD as it promised to close the gap in the story between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.
I will tell you right now save your Dollar that you would have spent on the Redbox to rent it. I was very disappointed and wished that I could get the hour and a half back that I had spent watching this DVD.
I'm not sure if I just don't find japanese animation or ideas cool or what but I was not impressed with this film.
Here is the skinny on this DVD:
Basically there are 6 mini movies on this 1 DVD and they all intertwine with each other. I didn't like how the animation made Batman look, in one movie he looked like he was 60 lbs overweight!
Batman fights many different villians including Scarcrow, Killer Croc, and rival gangs, but in every movie it is very hard to identify with him.
I give this DVD the Toilet Bowl rating!!**!!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Chicken Humor
This is why you should never get too Cocky!
(Pun intended, of course)
Cock-a-doodle-doo...
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old boy, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squalking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and ...he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dang it! ...That's the third gay rooster I bought this month!'
(Pun intended, of course)
Cock-a-doodle-doo...
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old boy, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squalking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and ...he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dang it! ...That's the third gay rooster I bought this month!'
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The True Cowboys and Indians of the old West
Not Quite the Rugged Old West that you may have pictured.
Enjoy these Cowboys and Indians!
Enjoy these Cowboys and Indians!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Vantage Point - DVD Review
I didn't see this movie in the Theatre but thought that the previews looked really good, so when it was released on DVD this past week I was a little excited to rent it.
Let me say that I really liked this movie, what the Director did with it was pretty sweet. This movie would only be about 35 minutes long if it were played through its entirety, but the cool thing about the movie is that it is about 1 event shown in the eyes of several different people. Each time you see the event play out through someones eyes more details are reviled and the plot is strengthened. The one downfall to this movie is that it is the same event played over and over, so once it finishes from one person's view it rewinds and starts with another view. I could see how that might annoy some people but I thought it was pretty cool.
Here's the Skinny on the movie....
There is a plot to assassinate the President of the United States at a Summit in Spain by a Terrorist organization. The President is there to sign a Anti-Terrorism act with several Arab nations that will put an end to their countries harboring Terrorists. Dennis Quad plays a Secret Service Agent who is returning after being out of commission for the past year from taking a bullet for the President. He is still a little unsure of how he will handle any situation that will arise but still accepts his assignment for this detail.
As all of the different views unfold from the key characters in the movie, their roles and involvement in the assassination is revelled. The details of why they are doing what they are doing becomes very clear and leads you into an intense car chase scene climax that will keep you on the edge of your seat.
If you want to rent a good movie tonight I would recommend this DVD to you.
Enjoy!
Way to go Jay...That's putting things into perspective!
I've always thought that Jay Leno was a funny guy but in this little piece that he wrote in 2007 he shows us a side that you don't see very often. I like how he shoots from the hip and puts things into perspective for all of us.
'
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?'' Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about 'how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way'...Insane!
Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative. 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
Jay Leno-2007
Enjoy....
'
The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?'' Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about 'how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way'...Insane!
Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative. 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
Jay Leno-2007
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Mormons, was the Correct answer!
Have you ever thought about what happens when you die? Well the creators of Southpark have a pretty funny spin on the hereafter....check it out.
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